amadeus amadeus!

Alphaville - Forever Young

i haven't been blogging much lately and its about time i blog a real one.

new year resolution:
cut down on night outs. bad for health. bad! takes a freaking toll on ze wallet. apart from that, everybody's reacting to the recession as if its doomsday. neighbours sells his Rolex and downgrades his car from euro to korean. no shit.
hopefully clubs understand the situation by implementing sweet no cover charges and lower drink prices to deal with that.
oh oh, and i've heard that the guy who founded st james, reacted to the looming recession by having a scheme in which you have one card that settles all.

and your ez-link now requires a minimum sum of at least $3 to take an mrt ride. so gone are the days where your card value going below negative value.

chinese new year is coming up also. but its expected to be quite as pathetic as christmas was. but something's better than nothing and im looking forward to that.

yes, i think about money alot. i am that shallow


SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
the post that took a full day to complete. so drop whatever shit you have, and behold.
ladies, trannies and gentlemen, i am proud to feature, the zomg:


THE BEST OF 2008: THE ANNUAL JAPANESELUMBERYARDHELL AWARD SHOW!








Best Car
Mazda 2 Demio

4 seater, cute bodykit, fuel-mileage so low, its almost a 'green' car. comes with optional panoramic glass roof. but the good thing is the versatility in style that everyone would look good in it. from an auntie, hot chics, bengz to kids, indians, the american president.

Sexiest Car
Maserati GranTurismo


oh my.... dude, Hand me a cigarette, i think i've just came in my pants.


the back view. move bitch, your not having any of those holes..


Best Photograph.
WWF

Epic. truly epic. So fierce yet so subtle full of emotion.. current desktop wallpaper.
(Taken from own camera.)



Funniest Picture:
this guy

HAHAHAHA!




Worst Motherfucking Movie Remake Ever
The Shutter (Remake). .

unlike the original thai version, this one sucked balls. here you see the woman sifting through crap in this crap movie.

the original one was so scary, it almost made me shit. it was so painful to watch, the remake almost made me bleed through my eyes just like the ghost(how pathetic is that?) they had. its as if they know how i was feeling at that point of time.


Hands-down Worst Movie
Meet the Spartans




its so unfunny, i tried to laugh. but couldnt if it wasn't for the $9.5o ticket price, i would've leave the theater and jump down from level 7 cathay. the movie slogan would be better off with 'the bigger the shit, the harder they slide'


i cant believe its Carmen Electra.

Scariest Fucking Movie:
Quarantine

i swear on my left balls that this show is super-fucking scary.



Best Movie
Slumdog Millionaire

directed by danny boyle - same guy that directed trainspotting, the beach and sunshine.
feature by MTV movies.
enough said
go download that shit to watch it or you could wait for it.


Most Overhyped Movie:
Twilight

Ewww bitch, you didn't like walk away from me didnt you?


Best Drunkard:
Jim

Puketastic

Best Kiss
Will Ferrell and Borat (Sacha Cohen Baron)


Best Lesbian
Jonathan Teo

hey babe, wanna scissors tonight?


Best Dance
The ACDC vs. Miley and Mandy Showdown
others included in the battle:
Amanda Bynes, Chris Brown, Lindsay Lohan, Adam Sandler, David Blaine, Ryan Seacrest, Channing Tatum, Britney...


Best Drunkard Kiss Lesbian Dance
Syirr



Coolest Tattoo
The Milo Dinosaur

Bad-ass. Tattooed by Elson Yeo


Best New Club
Zirca


Club that Sucked
St. James Powerstation

Very bad DJ, lighting, door bitch, drinks, everything. Just paled in comparison with other clubs. Its as boring as the cars parked outside you see here in this pic.


Prime Real Estate
Bencoolen Area

Apart from a spit away from NAFA and the roti prata stall that sucked ass. Its the Location.
The Proof


Best Song:
Mamma Mia(2008) - Meryl Streep

oh mama.


Most Commonly Heard Song thats Borderline Annoying:
Low - Flo-rida


Apple bottom jeans.
Boots with the fur.
The whole club is looking at hurr.
future nursery rhyme, no doubt.

Best Annoying Song:
Womanizer - Britney Spears

oh yes it is.

Worst Songs:
The Alvin and the Chipmunks Movie Soundtracks
it just have to have some kinda reasoning behind those exaggerated uncute noise from those rats. and having that said, why is it that whenever some twat has that as an sms ring tone, - the back of my mind screams:
"GAAAAHHH!!! FUCK YOU!!"
yeah just that. nothing else.

are you familiar with the sound of sitting down on a rusty-tipped legged classroom chair and accidentally slide backwards and then it creats a big SCREEECH!? you know? you know?.
i'd rather listen to that, sliding back and forth violently. you know? like fucking.


Best Halloween Costume to be Dressed As:
That chick from American Idol





Stupidest Band Name:
Tokio Hotel


Worst band:
Tokio Hotel


Band that Sucked:
Tokio Hotel



Band that Sucked Balls:
Tokio Hotel



Band that Sucked Serious Balls:
Tokio Hotel



Band that Sucked Serious Homeless Midget Balls on Top of Paper Plates, Hobo Dick Cheese Garnish and Ass Sauce Served Over an Old Newspaper Padding on the Sidewalk of Calcutta, the Poor section, On New Years Eve Morning, After a Soccer Riot and Going at it on a 720 Degrees Upside-down Headstand:
Tokio Hotel




alright that was fun. moving on....


Best Seat in the Bus:
The backest right corner.

The one see on the picture. (doesnt apply to the new handicapped-friendly SBS)
cozy spot, the roomiest legspace and least engine vibration and noise.


Best Public Restroom:
Fullerton Hotel.



Best Place to Budgetly Hook Up:
Fullerton Hotel Handicapped Toilet Restroom


Best Place to Crash and Park a Jaguar:
Jalan Langgar Bedok (off Simpang Bedok)



Best Transformation from over 5 years (Kinda):
Jonathan Teo

from chapstick to

like.... dude. Eat more prawns. and maybe -just maaaybe you could FINALLY beat me in arm wrestling.


Worst Artpiece that Actually Won a Painting of the Year Award.

Anatomical Fantasies of Meat (2008) -Joel Yuen (Printed Photograph)
repeat: printed photograph.
Ouh, Singapore art scene has to lighten up.
My ass.

The Emo Kid Award:
Jian Wei

He's so elusive in photographs, his sightings appears only in drawing. Rumor has it that his passport photo is acutally a sketch of himself and his pimples says 'eat shit and die' in Braille. Black jacket, scene kid haircut, muted speech, Slipknot, Xbox 360... if i go on any further, I would fall over to the dark side.


Robot That Wanna Be Emo Award
Dzucki Mark X6000 Patch 432.000 Version 6.9 (beta)

6 p@Ck$ H4xx0r
l0Lzor


Best Terrorist Attack of 2008

Fa'iz. says:
the award still goes to the US attack on iraq, they have won it for 7 years running.
Respect.


Worst Camera Phone Capability:
the apple iphone

with the apple iphone you cant, you know you have to like awkwardly shoot with two hands holding it with the pinkies pointing upwards and you have to like aim to shoot. i don't like that, like if you see some badass action in the club and wanna like take pictures silently without being noticed, you cant like pretend your smsing, but you're not, because your trying to get a shot of that woman's credit card asscrack slit peeking through the pants.



Best Gaming Product:
Nintendo Wii.



Racing Game that Actually Sucked:
Need for Speed Carbon



Best Video Game:
GTA4





Worst Fashion Items:
2 way tie:
the pregnant dress

I don't know what this style is called since every retailer comes up with their own "clever" name for it, so I'm just going to call them tit curtains because they look like curtains draped over your tits. You might as well be wearing a burka.

and tying to:

coloured skinny jeans. two tone.

Ape seh!

Cutest Picture:




Most Suay Brothers:
Lehman Brothers



Best Dead Celebrity
Heath Ledger.

He's queerly clearly a winner.


Best Haircut

this cut


Funniest 3 Words:
Sio Kim Chua




Best Combination of Letters and Symbols Without Using the Emoticon
j;j

supposed to show two fingers doing the victory sign.
kinda looks like this:
with the tongue out.



Best Racist Joke

what do you call it when you enter an Indian festival?









answer: Welcome to the black parade

Best Bullshit

They say you could measure your intelligence by the difference in length of your face and the palm.


Worst Pick Up Line Overheard

some tart with some name-brand cap:
hey girls, you want drinks? you all want drinks?

Best Pick Up Line

you: my boys over there bet that i wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the hottest chic in the room. wanna buy some drinks with their money?

Attempted.


Best Pick Up Line (Balls Included)

you:
you're going to have to buy me a drink?
she'd be like:
what for?
you:
i dropped mine when i saw you.

Gonna attempt.


Best Shoes to Steal
Fish slippers

sweet huh?! those fishes have to be fake of course. i got to have these. anyone happen to get hold of dealers for these? i would kill my own sister to get my hands on these (sorry sis)


Shop with the Coolest Name:
PieKia!


Best and Cheapest 24hr Food:
Egg Roti Prata

(sub-$1.30 as of Jan 09)
The R.K. House one is quite good.
i q'all the pohlice i tell you!

Most Affordable Meal:
$2 dollar McBreakfast meal.

McSausage Burger and Choice of Coffee and Tea.
Available only on weekdays morning.
Been around for about 7 years, so right now, its most profitable.


Most Badass Idea Suicide Idea
taping like bricks securely to the feet and then jump down to the deepest part of the pool. then like moonwalk till death.
MY PATENT.

Best Internet Browser:

Google Chrome
throw away your internet explorer/ mozilla firefox. delete that shit. this baby is goood.


Best Social Networking Site:
Facebook

Add me in Facebook

Best Blog:
http://www.japaneselumberyardhell.blogspot.com/
http://peopleinolongertalkto.blogspot.com/
bet ya'll didnt think i was this deep huh.



Coolest Name for an Art School:

The Orita-Sinclair School of the Art and New Media

oh come on, its so sexy the name's like the combination of some jap pornstar and a balding DJ. how fucking rad is that. everytime i try to pronounce the name of that school, it makes me wanna wear a neon turtle neck, oversized rimmed architect glasses, and talk with my hands flailing around .



alright, thank you all for watching the show. tune in next year for another kick ass award post.
-seacrest out